Chicken and Rice Casserole

Oh hi, guys, didn't see you there. Today I take you on a magical adventure into a twisted version of my childhood: the chicken and rice casserole...DAIRY FREE DUN DUN DUN!!! I got the recipe from here and I got the idea from my very own mother. Now think about this: what is the most bland and boring combination of ingredients you could come up with?
BOOM!
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 choppity chop chopped onion
1 cup of brown or white rice (white rice cooks faster and there's a white people joke in there somewhere. let me know if you find it).
1.5 cups of chicken broth
Yep, that's the boring way to do things. Now to add some flavor:
Olive oil for sauteeing
Minced garlic to taste (1tsp is enough for lamos)
Italian seasoning to taste (2tsp for the unadventurous)
Paprika (1/2 tsp for the people who are like wth is paprika?)
Salt (1/2 tsp of the salt of the sea)
Black pepper (1/2 tsp except more because pepper)
2tbs of flour (use exactly that much!)
1 cup of almond milk (sub for your preferred flavor if you must)
And I decided I needed to use the leftover dairyless pesto in my fridge (see previous post), so a couple dumps of that. Don't judge me, pesto is the nectar of the hipsters.

You start by heating up the olive oil. Then, you add the onion and the spices and heat until the onion is tender like a little baby deer. Then you add the garlic and cook that for like, a minute or so. Now for the good part! Add in the flour and stir really really fast until it's all blended together LIKE THIS:

Hahaha you thought I was going to put a picture in there. Do you really need a picture to show you what flour covered onion looks like? We're all adults here, you don't need a picture book. But really my phone is dead and that's why I have no pictures. Moving right along.

After the flour is all over them onions, mix in the chicken broth SLOWLY (or not, I can't tell you how to live your life but you get the consequences whatever they may be) and once you've got that all mixed up, add in the milk and the rice and pull the pan off the heat. Pour the contents into a casserole dish. Or a cake pan. Or a bread pan. Or a slow cooker. The options are limited. Then! Dump some of that old pesto into the dish, mix mix mix. Trust me, it's delicious. Now take your chicken, sear it on both sides with a hot pan and olive oil, toss it in the casserole dish like yesterday's garbage, and throw it in the oven at 375 for like an hour. But remember to cover the dish in aluminum foil. Probably should've mentioned that first. It will come out flavorful and delicious, and you will thank me from the bottom of your belly, I guarantee. Except for that part where you're like "this looks weird, am I doing this right? Why didn't she put pictures? CURSE YOUUUUUUU!!!" and then you'll get over it because I told you to.

Basil Pesto

Pesto always has parmesan in it, and as all of you should know by now, I can't eat it. I decided to make my own basil pesto for a pasta sauce I make because how hard could it be? Answer: easy peasy lemon squeezy. Minus the lemon because there is no lemon in pesto. I got the recipe right here. It even has the parmesan if you decide to go crazy and add some of that poison to your own pesto someday.

INGREDIENTS:
4 oz of basil paste (the store didn't have fresh basil, can you believe it??)
Handful of spinach
1/4 c. olive oil
1/4 c. pine nuts
3 tsp. garlic
Salt and pepper to taste

Before we go any further there is something I need to say. Basil freaking STINKS. Why does it smell that bad?? It's almost enough to turn a girl off of pesto forever! I don't remember store-bought pesto smelling that awful. This is probably the stinkiest thing I have ever made, and it was a struggle to trudge on through this despite the malodorous herb. On the other hand, I found the perfect place to hide my drugs should I ever start...drugging. Moving on.

Look at all those sexy ingredients. Alright, put the basil paste, spinach, and pine nuts in the food processor and pulse a couple of times. Then add the garlic, pulse some more, scrape the sides and then add the olive oil a little bit at a time, pulsing in between additions. Remember to scrape the sides every couple of times to make it blend evenly. Add in salt and pepper to taste and bam, you're done. Yes, it still stinks when you're done. 

I took so many pictures for this recipe and I didn't add them all because I don't have enough words to caption them with. I emptied out a minced garlic container for this recipe, so I washed it out and put the leftover pesto in it for storage. Like avocado, it browns if exposed to air for too long. Don't let your stinky pesto spoil, cover it up. 

Spinach Artichoke Hummus

Hey fools. Today I made several things so be prepared for several posts over the next several days. Yay! So me and mom love hummus, and then I watched this video talking about how store bought hummus wasn't real hummus so I decided to try to make some. This was awhile back, and what you will read today is my second attempt at making hummus. The basic recipe come from this website. The first one turned out really well. Here are the ingredients:

Just in case you can't read it all, it's:
A bunch of garlic
2 cups of chickpeas/garbanzo beans
Salt to taste
Something like 1/3 c. tahini
A good amount of lemon juice (~6 tbs)
2-4 tbs of leftover chickpea water or regular water
8-12 dashes of hot sauce or green taco sauce
~6 artichoke hearts
A handful of spinach

I usually use minced garlic, but if you have garlic cloves just throw a bunch of them (at least 4) into the food processor and mince before you add the rest of the stuff. This time I didn't add minced garlic because my cousin thinks it ruins hummus and I wanted him to be able to eat the stuff this time. I added garlic powder instead. I was a fool! ALWAYS ADD FRESH GARLIC. Otherwise it'll come out bland and you'll only have yourself to blame. As a side note, I found unopened garlic powder in my mom's cupboard. Who has unopened garlic powder? Only people who just bought it have an excuse because garlic powder is super handy. Except when you're making hummus.

Anyway, add all the ingredients into the food processor and puree the crap out of it.

Doesn't it look like I staged that beautiful picture for you? I didn't, artistic cooking comes natural to me. Stop laughing. You will occasionally have to scrape the sides to make it puree evenly. Also, takes it after every scrape because you will probably have to add more salt/garlic/water/artichokes. Artichokes are pretty salty themselves, but do not be afraid to add more salt anyway. If it is too thick, add just a bit more water. If it is too bland, add more salt and garlic and even more artichokes because they are freaking delicious and don't even try to deny it. If that doesn't work, add more hot/taco sauce.

As another side note, the green taco sauce was not my idea. The first batch I made was blandish because I didn't add hot sauce because I think hot sauce sucks. My mom pulled green taco sauce out of the fridge and had me add it and it is surprisingly not that terrible. So this is what your hummus will look like:

You may notice that the container it is going into is an old Sabro hummus container. It's a clever disguise for my delicious homemade hummus because Sabro hummus sucks so no one who doesn't know my secret will get into my hummus. Muwahahahaha. I hope your hummus turns out well, it's really easy and delicious and you can make any kind by simply adding your own favorite ingredients.